I have been challenged 3 times now to take the ice-water thingy for ALS. JUST. NO.

1. Water is THE most precious commodity in the world. People die without it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

2. Why the fuck would I want to pour water over my head? Icy or otherwise.

3. I don’t like gimmicks. So, sue me. I just know there are charities out there trying to figure out a gimmick that will get them to go viral…because they want what ALS is getting. Gimmicks diminish. Sure, ones like this might be good for charity business…but not everyone who is having fun with water is donating. There are so many videos out there where ALS is hardly mentioned, not mentioned or mentioned in passing. For some, the ice-water challenge is just a fun moment of pouring ice-water over themselves and challenging friends to do the same.

4. I’m a curmudgeon. Plain and simple. And did I mention I don’t like gimmicks.

5. Charlie Sheen is a man I mostly abhor on a molecular level, but I love his video for this. He rains cold hard cash down on himself. Cash he later donated to ALS. ALS needs cash, not the across-the-board abhorrent waste of water that has flooded the internet these past weeks. Thank you, Charlie!

6. I know some are dropping the water and the cash. That’s good…they at least get that the challenge was a total fail in that one was to do one or the other. I’m glad that ALS got an influx of cash…and I’m glad some have figured out they can do both. But I’m not wasting the water. You can’t make me.

7. I did my part. Challenge accepted!

8. Please donate to ALS. In Canada. In USA. I challenge EVERYONE to donate. I won’t be calling out any specific names. If you’re reading this, consider yourself challenged.

9. Please, for the love of all things holy, STOP WASTING WATER!!!

10. Now that the conversation has started, as far as charities go, please donate to your favourite charities THROUGHOUT THE YEAR. Don’t wait for the next gimmick to come down the pike.

Meet the man behind the Ice Bucket Challenge:

The Last Ice Bucket Challenge You Need To See — And You Really Should See It