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I realize now that Godot may not be coming at all. I do. I get the whole ‘if not today, then surely tomorrow‘ ideology, too. I try to remain hopeful.

It’s hard, though…waiting on the slow wheels of the publishing world. What makes it harder is when everyone around you seems to believe in your work. Work you do not believe in yourself. Work that has been out in the market for going on 8 months without results.

When I finished writing my latest young adult novel, Pride Must Be a Place, back in July of 2015, I had the sensation that it might be the best thing I wrote so far. I felt REALLY GOOD about it. And then I had a few people read it. And they all thought it was great…maybe my best work to date. So I sent it to my agent. And she seemed to love it, too. So I waited for the good news.

And it has not yet arrived. I keep coming back to the same point every day where I wait to hear the good news. And every day it doesn’t come. And it doesn’t come. And it doesn’t come.

I seem to be one of those people who cannot write when they are waiting on their most recently completed manuscript to be picked up by a publisher. And believe me, I have a lot of WIPs in which I could be writing. I’m at a standstill. Waiting for Godot…and realizing that he might never come.

As I said, I finished the manuscript in July. Almost a year ago. I’ve never ever been sure about my work…but I felt sure about this one. I thought, ‘maybe it’ll have a home by September!?’ And then I had to edit that thought to, ‘…October!?’ Then I allowed it to leave my train of thought as we took off for Cuba in a last-bit-of-sun-before-the-snow-falls vacation. “Surely tomorrow!” I kept thinking. It would be nice to come home from Cuba to discover a publisher had picked up Pride.

Nope. Didn’t happen. I still hoped. November? December? January? February? NO. No. No. No.

March? April? May? No. No. No. Another holiday in the sun went by as we took off to Barbados in May…as I hoped to hear good news from my agent.

It is now JUNE, a month shy of a year after I finished Pride Must Be a Place. I am wondering how to get back onto the horse and write something new. I know I’ll have an Adrenalin shot next month when I take part in the annual MUSKOKA NOVEL MARATHON. Nothing says, “Get back into writing” like “you have seventy-two hours to write a novel. Don’t mess it up.”

I’m thinking that I best get off my ass and start contributing to some of my WIPs. I can’t wait forever. I’m beginning to lose faith in the possibility of Pride ever being published…just because, in the beginning, my faith was so entirely strong. Clearly, it didn’t present as the novel I thought it was going to be. My agent is still trying, but it might be an ugly baby. Who knows. Who ever knows?!

I’m boggled by the publishing industry and the reading public. I’m at a place where I think I need to leave behind the young adult market for a while. Even after Burn Baby Burn Baby made the official 2016 IN THE MARGINS BOOK AWARDS LIST put out by the American Library Association’s Library Services for Youth in Custody (LSYC), it did not see sales. Even after many amazing reviews, it did not see sales. My voice in the young adult market is not what readers are interested in. After 3 published young adult novels, and no interest…I have to reevaluate. With the 4th one (Pride) with my agent, I have decided to back off this market and try something new.

I’m pondering what that something new is. And don’t get me wrong, I did not start writing to sell books. But I am discovering that I am losing my motivation to write based on the fact that I am writing for nobody. A writer needs readers. I don’t have many. I’ve been hopeful. But it’s not happening.

So, the market has spoken…and I am listening. Time to move on. I want to get that NEED and CONSTANT DESIRE to write back. I don’t have it when I know my efforts are futile…slipping into a void of nothingness. So, changing gears will be the first step. Was it Einstein who said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Well…that’s what I’ve been doing in writing young adult novels. Time for change.

In the meantime, July is quickly approaching! The Muskoka Novel Marathon is galloping towards me…and I need help! The writers who take part in this 72 hour novel writing marathon are collecting funds for literacy, to fund the Simcoe/Muskoka County YMCA literacy programs, which are underfunded. All money collected goes directly to helping run these programs. So anything you donate will be helping someone struggling with illiteracy get on their feet. We are writers helping readers. We can only do this if you donate to the cause. ANY amount will help. Please consider sponsoring me on my journey to my next novel. Together, we can eradicate illiteracy. You can make a donation directly to my page by clicking on the image below:

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Now, while I have you…you can check out the reviews for my 5 novels on Amazon. And you can peek inside my novels to read the opening chapters by using the LOOK INSIDE feature. Click on the image below to go to my Amazon Author Page. Somebody has to! (-:

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Please keep your fingers crossed for me. I sort of need PRIDE MUST BE A PLACE to find a home. I can’t have what I believe to be the best novel I have ever written to get passed up. There is no rhyme or reason in this industry. Novels I thought wouldn’t get picked up DID. The one and only one I ever thought was worthy has not been picked up. I still believe…