I Will Tell the Night, Male Survivor, Weekends of Recovery

How Mumford & Sons Helped to Save Me – I Will Tell The Night Origin Story

I’m SUPER excited about my 2019 book release I WILL TELL THE NIGHT. Today, I wanted to talk about the title…and the evolution of how I came up with it.

The title is from a song. A song that was a huge part of a weekend at Hope Springs Institute in Peebles, Ohio, which I credit with saving me.

In 2011 I walked into a Male Survivor WEEKEND OF RECOVERY to seek healing and recovery from childhood sexual assault trauma. I had already taken a few steps in my journey, but had heard SO many great things about this program.

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When I walked into the large octagonal studio on the grounds of Hope Springs in rural Ohio, the song TIMSHEL by Mumford & Sons was playing loudly, proudly and vividly clear. The roof of the building went on forever and it had the feel of a cathedral. I was terrified to be meeting all these broken fellow survivors for the first time…walking into a space I was unfamiliar with…and the first crisp clear lines of lyrics hit me as I entered…

Cold is the water
It freezes your already cold mind
Already cold, cold mind
And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance
But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we’ll hold your hand
Hold your hand

I tell you, I was mush. Instantly more shattered and whole than I had possibly ever been in my life. The last 4 lines in the above quote? Well, they may as well have been a two by four for their ability to knock me flat out cold…and they may as well have been a blanketed loving embrace for their ability to foster an instant knowledge that I had done the right thing in driving through the night to come to this strange off-the-beaten-path place in the middle of America that I had never heard of before then.

Those words pierced my heart and told me I was home, all at once. And the weekend progressed in every way possible to fulfill the promise of those last 4 quoted lines above. We strangers got through that weekend together, as brothers. We came through it a little (A LOT) more healed than we had been when we entered. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself in my life.

To this day, I can’t listen to TIMSHEL by Mumford & Sons without thinking of that painful but altogether life saving weekend…or the therapists who helped saved us in that studio, and in the Spirit House that also sits on the grounds of that idyllic piece of heaven in Ohio.

Mumford & Sons is intricately woven into my healing journey now, just as strongly as Peebles, Ohio is. As Male Survivor is. As Weekend of Recovery is. And as Hope Springs is. These things are all forever melted together in my brain and each time I hear Timshel, I hear my salvation. Because, after all that time…I was not alone in this.

The last lines of the song go like this…

But I will tell the night
And whisper, “Lose your sight”
But I can’t move the mountains for you
And I WILL TELL THE NIGHT always resonated deeply with me. The words are just as important as those 4 lines up above about not being alone. Because as a child, there was no one to tell. I was alone. There was only one person to tell. THE NIGHT. As soon as I heard that line, I knew why they picked that song for us to enter the studio to. Because we had all had that conversation with the night…we had all told our stories to the darkness.
I WILL TELL THE NIGHT, the title of my next novel. Now you know the title’s origin story. And how a song once helped to save me…
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(You can pick up Pride Must Be A Place at AmazonUSA or AmazonCanada now! It received an Amazing Review today!)